Sunday, April 01, 2012

Breaking News: Palami hires new coach for Global

INQUIRER reporter Cedelf Tupas has been hired by Dan Palami to take over the coaching post of Global FC in the United Football League.

Di ko na kaya mag coach,” Palami, who is undefeated so far since taking over the coaching job, told Fair Play in an exclusive interview at an exclusive bar. “Si Cedelf na lang because he really knows his football and I think hindi naman sya mag titwitter kung may maiwan syang gamit.”

Palami said that he needs to let go of the Global coaching stint because of too many concerns.

“I am stretched too thin, and I’m not getting thin!” Palami said. “In fact, I’m gaining weight! This would allow me to finally get on with my weight-loss program.”

Though he didn’t mention it, a reliable source said a certain cosmetics company is planning to make Palami the face of their new line of products once he lose about 30 pounds.

“I tell you, with Dan on board, we don’t need Phil or James or kung sino pa yang mga gwapo na players.  And based on our research, Mr. Palami has more appeal than them.  And our boss really likes Dan. I think if she gets rid of that boy-toy doctor, my boss wants to date Dan,” Beigh Noang Ni, a representative of the cosmetic company that is planning to get Palami, said.  "Bagay sila, V..D...parang Valentines Day."

Tupas, who has been covering the national team as a one-man press corps in 2006 before getting company after the Suzuki Cup, will take over the coaching job next week.

He is also the second scribe to head Global after Graeme Mackinnon, the Australian football guru who used to write for the Freeman.

“I’m very much honored by the appointment,” Tupas told Fair Play after  throwing the phone in an interview.

Though Tupas didn’t mention it, Fair Play learned from Avril Folle, the newly appointed spokesperson of Global FC, that his first priority is signing a Pinoy player based abroad who is being chased by Real Madrid and Barcelona, the US team and the Philippine national team.

“You have to see this guy to believe him. He’s quite a character and he’s really something. One for the books,” Avril Folle said while declining to name the character due to the sensitivity of the negotiations.

“Just imagine, Real Madrid and Barcelona are chasing him? And he’s being offered to join the US national team, while the Azkals are also chasing him! Where can you find somebody like that! He should be in Global."

1 comment:

Wiking said...

April Fools!!! :)