Fair Play: Cebu's First Naked 23K Marathon
I’M organizing Cebu’s first Naked 23K Marathon, which will be held at the end of the year.
Don’t go CAIB on me, yet!
Naked here, is a loose term. Call it a “lingo.” You can be half-naked, partially naked or fully naked—race and reveal your true glory. Whatever suits you is fine with me. Some people, I know, feel naked in a suit (without their gun), while others think having a shirt on is overdressed.
I won’t get too caught in the details. That’s a lesson I learned from Patafa.
By the way, the good folks of Patafa will be there. I need them because I can’t call
my Naked 23K Marathon a marathon.
The Naked 23K Marathon, and I’m serious, will cover 23 kilometers so it will qualify under Patafa’s definition of a marathon. Mind you, you only need two things to get Patafa to sanction your event—money and contact.
Know the right person, and offer them plane fare, transpo, per diem, room and board and you now have an officially sanctioned event. I can do that.
Besides, Patafa is an NSA, so they can’t be wrong, right? I mean they are smart enough to know changing presidents is bad so they’ve had the same president in what, 30 years?
Heck, I’ll even let Patafa choose the winner for the Best in Costume in my Naked 23K Marathon. I mean after the 25K marathon? Choosing the winner for the Best in Costume in my Naked Marathon seems a job written for them.
If some religious figure says my Naked 23K Marathon only exists in my mind, then I will condemn him for telling the truth!
As to the categories, well, I came up with something no other run has done. I’ll base my divisions on gender, as defined by the social sciences and not by sex.
Gender, technically, is by choice. So if you feel like a woman that day, you can join the women’s division or vice versa. I’ll also include a division for the transvestites, transgender, third sex, cross dressers, stone femmes and lipstick lesbians. I’ll just limit my gender divisions to eight because I’d run out of money for the prizes. (At least, nobody can accuse me of being gender-biased).
I’ll even include the bikers. Yep, the bikers. When you’re biking and you’re late for an appointment, you are “running late,” so technically, you’re running, right?
The prizes, more than half a million, are what will attract the runners.
Yep, it’s P500001 to the runner who finishes first. I just have to decide though where to put the decimal point in P500001 or if I’d even use a comma. Just some technical stuff that isn’t important.
To raise the money, all I have to tell my prospective sponsors is that I have great connections with the media and the event will get ample publicity. I’ll even throw in a media category, plus “appearance fees,” maybe, the media will come. If they won’t, I’ll just pay four guys P500 to take pictures, pay another three to interview my VIPs.
Voila.
I’ll also save a lot of money by having just one water station, at the finish line (It’s where you really need them). There will be no check points too, I’ll just award first place to the runner who crosses first. Because, technically, if you are present during the Starting Gun and was first to cross the Finish Line, you started and finished the race, first.
The finishers’ certificate will be given once you register (so I won’t have to pay people to distribute them), and you could, for a certain fee, have the “23K” removed or adjusted to “42K.” The certificate is free for everybody, while the Finishers’ Medal will be given only to those who can fork out P1,000—P300 for the medal, P700 for my talent fee.
What else?
Oh, the date.
I’ll hold it on a busy Sunday, one where there are already two races. Why? Well, haven’t you noticed? People will really talk about your race if it coincides with another. It’s good publicity. Maybe I’ll hold it with the Eco-Dash run, to go with the green theme? Hmmm.
You may register here:
Don’t go CAIB on me, yet!
Naked here, is a loose term. Call it a “lingo.” You can be half-naked, partially naked or fully naked—race and reveal your true glory. Whatever suits you is fine with me. Some people, I know, feel naked in a suit (without their gun), while others think having a shirt on is overdressed.
I won’t get too caught in the details. That’s a lesson I learned from Patafa.
By the way, the good folks of Patafa will be there. I need them because I can’t call
my Naked 23K Marathon a marathon.
The Naked 23K Marathon, and I’m serious, will cover 23 kilometers so it will qualify under Patafa’s definition of a marathon. Mind you, you only need two things to get Patafa to sanction your event—money and contact.
Know the right person, and offer them plane fare, transpo, per diem, room and board and you now have an officially sanctioned event. I can do that.
Besides, Patafa is an NSA, so they can’t be wrong, right? I mean they are smart enough to know changing presidents is bad so they’ve had the same president in what, 30 years?
Heck, I’ll even let Patafa choose the winner for the Best in Costume in my Naked 23K Marathon. I mean after the 25K marathon? Choosing the winner for the Best in Costume in my Naked Marathon seems a job written for them.
If some religious figure says my Naked 23K Marathon only exists in my mind, then I will condemn him for telling the truth!
As to the categories, well, I came up with something no other run has done. I’ll base my divisions on gender, as defined by the social sciences and not by sex.
Gender, technically, is by choice. So if you feel like a woman that day, you can join the women’s division or vice versa. I’ll also include a division for the transvestites, transgender, third sex, cross dressers, stone femmes and lipstick lesbians. I’ll just limit my gender divisions to eight because I’d run out of money for the prizes. (At least, nobody can accuse me of being gender-biased).
I’ll even include the bikers. Yep, the bikers. When you’re biking and you’re late for an appointment, you are “running late,” so technically, you’re running, right?
The prizes, more than half a million, are what will attract the runners.
Yep, it’s P500001 to the runner who finishes first. I just have to decide though where to put the decimal point in P500001 or if I’d even use a comma. Just some technical stuff that isn’t important.
To raise the money, all I have to tell my prospective sponsors is that I have great connections with the media and the event will get ample publicity. I’ll even throw in a media category, plus “appearance fees,” maybe, the media will come. If they won’t, I’ll just pay four guys P500 to take pictures, pay another three to interview my VIPs.
Voila.
I’ll also save a lot of money by having just one water station, at the finish line (It’s where you really need them). There will be no check points too, I’ll just award first place to the runner who crosses first. Because, technically, if you are present during the Starting Gun and was first to cross the Finish Line, you started and finished the race, first.
The finishers’ certificate will be given once you register (so I won’t have to pay people to distribute them), and you could, for a certain fee, have the “23K” removed or adjusted to “42K.” The certificate is free for everybody, while the Finishers’ Medal will be given only to those who can fork out P1,000—P300 for the medal, P700 for my talent fee.
What else?
Oh, the date.
I’ll hold it on a busy Sunday, one where there are already two races. Why? Well, haven’t you noticed? People will really talk about your race if it coincides with another. It’s good publicity. Maybe I’ll hold it with the Eco-Dash run, to go with the green theme? Hmmm.
You may register here:
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