Fair Play: Confessions of the imaginary kind
ANDRE Agassi shocked the tennis world with his recent book “Open,” (what else would a tennis player name his book?) when he said that he used crystal meth when he was still an active player.
He even admitted that he lied to the ATP tour, that he accidentally drank a soda laced with crystal meth, to get away with a positive drug test.
He also said the Greatest Mane in tennis history was just a wig held on by a set of pins. (I guess we can call him a pin head, literally.)
Tsk. Tsk.
That came after Magic Johnson also came out with a book, “When the Game was ours,” and claimed Isaiah Thomas really hated ‘im. That the former Detroit Pistons great questioned his sexuality and that the greatest player to not ever play in the original Dream Team was excluded because everybody—not just MJ—didn’t want him.
Tsk. Tsk.
Of course both admissions were designed to spike interest—and sales—for their books.
Makes you wonder what current stars would be saying in their tell-all retirement fund-raisers, doesn’t it?
Would it be:
“I wore thongs, no? Very hard to serve.”—Rafael Nadal, 13-time grand slam champion, in “The Pull.”
“Ronaldo was supposed to be there, but that darn guy got caught in a police raid.”—Oscar dela Hoya, former six-time world champion in “The Golden Boys.”
“I really hated it when they impersonate me and joke about me, especially Andy Roddick.” Novak Djokovic in “The Djoker.”
“I’m Tiger Woods.”—Tiger Woods in “I’m Tiger Woods.”
“Now, I can do what I want and be a ballet dancer.”—Roger Federer, greatest tennis player of all-time, in “What to do After You Win 20 Slams.”
“I beat Manny! I was cheated! I beat Manny! I was cheated! I beat Manny! I was cheated! I beat Manny! I was cheated! I beat Manny! I was cheated!”—Juan Manuel “I Beat Manny” Marquez in “I Really Won that Fight!”
“What harm could one puff do?”—Michael Phelps in “The Bong.”
“It all started when I read something in the Internet about Azucena.”—Michael Vick in “I Now Love Dogs.”
“I wanted to be the first hot grandma on tour.”—Kimiko Date-Krumm in “Mark that Date.”
“250 million reasons baby!”—David Beckham in “Conning America.”
“Just say you to want to go to Madrid then change your mind five times. That’s how you do it.”—Ronaldo in “The Real Money.”
“Let’s make it 100!!!”—Rafael Benitez in “10 things I Hate About Alex Ferguson.”
“I still feel pretty, oh so pretty. I still feel pretty and witty and gay. And I still really pity, any girl who isn’t me today.”—pin-up tennis girl with hot legs Maria Sharapova in
“Grunt, Set and Match.”
“I started playing badly when they started saying I was like Maria.”—Ana Ivanovic in “I’m Prettier.”
“I see dead people, and they say I’m the greatest of all time.”—self-proclaimed greatest of all time boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. in “The Greatest of All Time.”
“The last thing I remember was telling myself, ‘Pacquiao doesn’t hit that hard…”—Ricky Hatton in “I Fought the Greatest of All Time and He’s Not Floyd.”
“Hindi ako nag i-isteroyds. Ang lakas na ito ay galing sa Maykapal, at nadagdagan sa pagkain ng Magnolia Chicken™ na may Magic Sarap™ na ginamitan ng Vit water™ at niluto sa Wonder Oven™ gamit ang Meralco™ na kuryente at habang nakasuot ng Islander™ at nanunuod ng mga programa ng GMA™ sa Skycable™.”
—Manny Pacquiao in “The Endorser (Ang librong ito, ay isunulat ko gamit ang Magic Pen™ at habang nakainum nang malamig na San Miguel™).”
“Yabadaba doo!!!”—Anonymous former boxing champion in “One Hit too Many.”
(mikelimpag@gmail.com)
He even admitted that he lied to the ATP tour, that he accidentally drank a soda laced with crystal meth, to get away with a positive drug test.
He also said the Greatest Mane in tennis history was just a wig held on by a set of pins. (I guess we can call him a pin head, literally.)
Tsk. Tsk.
That came after Magic Johnson also came out with a book, “When the Game was ours,” and claimed Isaiah Thomas really hated ‘im. That the former Detroit Pistons great questioned his sexuality and that the greatest player to not ever play in the original Dream Team was excluded because everybody—not just MJ—didn’t want him.
Tsk. Tsk.
Of course both admissions were designed to spike interest—and sales—for their books.
Makes you wonder what current stars would be saying in their tell-all retirement fund-raisers, doesn’t it?
Would it be:
“I wore thongs, no? Very hard to serve.”—Rafael Nadal, 13-time grand slam champion, in “The Pull.”
“Ronaldo was supposed to be there, but that darn guy got caught in a police raid.”—Oscar dela Hoya, former six-time world champion in “The Golden Boys.”
“I really hated it when they impersonate me and joke about me, especially Andy Roddick.” Novak Djokovic in “The Djoker.”
“I’m Tiger Woods.”—Tiger Woods in “I’m Tiger Woods.”
“Now, I can do what I want and be a ballet dancer.”—Roger Federer, greatest tennis player of all-time, in “What to do After You Win 20 Slams.”
“I beat Manny! I was cheated! I beat Manny! I was cheated! I beat Manny! I was cheated! I beat Manny! I was cheated! I beat Manny! I was cheated!”—Juan Manuel “I Beat Manny” Marquez in “I Really Won that Fight!”
“What harm could one puff do?”—Michael Phelps in “The Bong.”
“It all started when I read something in the Internet about Azucena.”—Michael Vick in “I Now Love Dogs.”
“I wanted to be the first hot grandma on tour.”—Kimiko Date-Krumm in “Mark that Date.”
“250 million reasons baby!”—David Beckham in “Conning America.”
“Just say you to want to go to Madrid then change your mind five times. That’s how you do it.”—Ronaldo in “The Real Money.”
“Let’s make it 100!!!”—Rafael Benitez in “10 things I Hate About Alex Ferguson.”
“I still feel pretty, oh so pretty. I still feel pretty and witty and gay. And I still really pity, any girl who isn’t me today.”—pin-up tennis girl with hot legs Maria Sharapova in
“Grunt, Set and Match.”
“I started playing badly when they started saying I was like Maria.”—Ana Ivanovic in “I’m Prettier.”
“I see dead people, and they say I’m the greatest of all time.”—self-proclaimed greatest of all time boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. in “The Greatest of All Time.”
“The last thing I remember was telling myself, ‘Pacquiao doesn’t hit that hard…”—Ricky Hatton in “I Fought the Greatest of All Time and He’s Not Floyd.”
“Hindi ako nag i-isteroyds. Ang lakas na ito ay galing sa Maykapal, at nadagdagan sa pagkain ng Magnolia Chicken™ na may Magic Sarap™ na ginamitan ng Vit water™ at niluto sa Wonder Oven™ gamit ang Meralco™ na kuryente at habang nakasuot ng Islander™ at nanunuod ng mga programa ng GMA™ sa Skycable™.”
—Manny Pacquiao in “The Endorser (Ang librong ito, ay isunulat ko gamit ang Magic Pen™ at habang nakainum nang malamig na San Miguel™).”
“Yabadaba doo!!!”—Anonymous former boxing champion in “One Hit too Many.”
(mikelimpag@gmail.com)
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kumusta naman ka Makoy!
"I used Head & Shoulders™" - Manny Pacquiao in "Defeating Cotto"